Smoking Blues and Lacing Shoes

Shawna's audition

2010-06-11T15:12:00.000-07:00

Okay...so what

2010-03-07T06:34:00.001-08:00

I feel some sort of sunshine as the relief of knowing I'm not laid off for next year was confirmed. It's nice but sort of an empty victory as I know some co-workers do not have the same confirmation. In America we are experiencing the throes (though not equal) to that of the Great Depression.

I love spring as I search in my closet for pastel colors of lilac, vibrant greens, and soft yellows. My husband probably loves that my renewed sense of energy stirs up some spring cleaning projects. I know that he subtly wishes that I would adhere to some of his mom's obsessive cleaning habits but in me he married a complicated dreamer with moments of questioning of why are things the way they are. I guess this does not always equate with structural activities lol.

Nevertheless real life is calling me to my wonderful hubby cooking in the kitchen asking me to get off my duff and set the table for some blueberry pancakes and sausage. I guess I better get moving.

Henry's Sisters

2010-02-02T14:30:00.000-08:00

Wow, I really cried reading "Henry's Sisters" by Cathy Lamb. It was a wonderful story about mixed up families with toasty edges and the dysfunction of interesting people. I loved it but Henry made me cry. If you read it, you will see.

Sometimes....

2010-01-23T04:28:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I have to remember that not all things come our way,
that our visions need not be everyone's vision.
I've been so blessed in that 98% of the time that things have been in my favor. I had gotten used to the smoothness of life like a perfectly spread peanut butter on a roughened piece of toast. Lately, I've had the resistance of beating my head on the wall. It happens and as I watch the television channels reporting on Haiti, there is that nagging voice telling me inside to appreciate my total surroundings and not take things for granted.

So, here I am at work with ideas bubbling in my head like a slow brew. And when things don't come to a boil, I feel sort of left down. Reality to head, teenagers have a different agenda. So, as I struggle with two of my fifteen your old students being pregnant, two extremely tough students with behavior issues, and the constant rumor mill about lay offs that are causing my normal happy co-workers to unravel, I find myself reveling in giving-up-ness instead of that glass is half full philosophy state of mind.

It was said that forgivness and bad thoughts are like a invading cancer. On days like this I want to remember the Serenity Prayer that I encountered from my first marriage to an alcoholic. Although my marriage did not sustain, the words have been a constant companion. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Pretty smart advice.

Garrettmeister

2009-12-31T10:49:00.000-08:00

Today I am blogging about my son Garrett. My middle son Garrett is much like his mom. He has a huge heart but can get grumpy when things don't pan out right. He also has Austistic tendencies.

It's hard for Garrett because people don't always understand his thousand words a minute and his lack of self-control and social skills. At the same time, he sounds like a little professor when he talks. He cracks me up how his colorful language creates such visual fireworks.

There are times when I feel bad when I see the expressions of hurt on his face. He wants so bad to be accepted. But, the reality of my son is that as much as he is loving, he is also annoying. His life is like a roller coaster that never stops for a hiatus. Constantly moving activity, can annoy people who like quiet car rides and just want a moment of peace. He doesn't actually equal a balanced equation for the people who like 1 plus 1 equals two.

Garrett simply does not add up to a perfect equation. But, I'm so glad that Garrett is part of my family. He has taught me so much.

I have to remind myself to be patient with Garrett and to show him how much he means to me. I often wonder if he knows that. I look at him now and I see the ending of childhood and the stirrings of young adulthood. He is growing up and I know life is not going to be easy for him as he does not represent the norm.

Currently, I have Garrett in counseling to help with his self-esteem issues from being different. Every time he leaves counseling he has this huge smile. It is well worth it. I have to laugh as my husband took him out to shoot a BB gun and even let Garrett wear his army jacket from when he was in the military. Garrett has been sporting that jacket with a huge grin. Hopefully, those moments will weather the frequent storms that he will experience.

I never knew that my life was going to be so unbalanced. But, being in this position has given me this tough protective covering with plenty shards of emotion and love. Maybe, it has helped me to see beyond the cookie cutterness of life.

I just love that kid.

2009

2009-12-23T11:58:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in so long. I guess you could say I've been busy but life has been good. I forget many times to appreciate my family, my job, the air I breathe, and the goals I have to make things better. I forget and continually hope that I will do those things that I want to do.

2009 has been an interesting year. Along with the deaths of some amazing celebrities, I am further amazed by the things that I see on television. Sex definitely sells. I consider myself a liberal but it still amazes me how society is so focused on negativity. It is too bad that negative sells more than positive. I sometimes worry about the desensitization of our society to violence and sex and the friends with benefits philosophies that I see in my students. When you are around youth, it is really easy to see what is going on. As a teacher, I know.

On the personal front, I am very happy to have received my first payment on an article I got published. I need to take a picture before I cash it. It feels so amazing like one of my dreams has been unwrapped.

We are still struggling at home to adjust to teenhood. We are constantly hoping that we are doing what we need for our children. I suppose it is only natural.

On the job front, budget cuts have made it difficult at work. In April, I will find out if I have a job for the next year. Maybe, maybe not but if not, I will stand firmly in faith that I will know what to do. Brian as well is worried about his job as many consumers are not buying snacks in this difficult economy. It has reminded me once again to not put all of our eggs in one basket. I have become lapsed in not thinking ahead.

In ending, I pray that I will strive to be a better person in 2010 and put some fresh air in that stagnancy of life. I also pray for a good year for my comrades in life.

Happy 2010!

Summer

2009-08-12T04:36:00.001-07:00

It is funny how I measure summer by the one inch beginnings of a corn stalk to the end of measure of a taller than me field of corn. As I take my walks, I sense that smell of dry erase marker on my whiteboard. It has been a nice summer. I've done some reorganizing of my kitchen, bedroom, and closet. This week I took all of the pictures out and organized them by child and even albums of my husband and I when we were younger. The nostalgia really hits as I see how quickly my children have grown. The sad part is I realize that I need to take the time to really enjoy these children. Work, life, and technology can really take a chunk out of personal moments.

We bought a trailer and despite our first trip being covered by a current of rain and thunder, we were forced to be in smaller surroundings. It felt nice to be doing more outside activities. It was especially enjoyable to spend our weekend with our yellow lab Sammy Girl instead of putting her in storage. She is quite the member of our family. Seeing my indoor children jump off a pontoon boat surrounded by other growing children, I could see images of past summers as a child. Childhood is a wonderful thing and to see my children enjoy theirs is out of this world.

Hope everyone is doing well enjoying their small corner of this wonderful world.

Dreamer Girl

I'm Back

2009-06-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't had much time lately. Hope everyone is well. I finished work on Tuesday of this week. So, far I've read three books based on an old book that I loved as a teen "The Face On The Milk Carton". Fun. Has any one read any good reads lately?
My hope is to do three things this summer, catch up on reading, take walks, and hug my children. ALso, I hope to get used to just not doing and enjoy the tranquility that summer brings.

Roger is going back to Shanghai this Thursday. Please pray for my family that we adjust to the transition.

God bless,
Dreamer Girl

Little thoughts

2009-05-01T15:27:00.000-07:00

The sky is like a lonesome dove
descript in it's part
boundaries of many
indications
I watch it all pass by.

Hello

2009-04-14T16:32:00.000-07:00

It seems like an eternity since I have written. I really miss my blogging friends like Karen. Life is keeping me actively busy which is good. I just got back from Palm Beach, Florida. Proudly I can claim, as it was just my three boys, exchange student, and me. Being inexperienced, I have only traveled at the most 4 hours one way by myself. It was tiring but I saved money and was able to see my sister Johonna whom I adore. Seriously.

As I drove through our beautiful country I took notice of the smokey mountains in Tennessee that are quite lovely. I pulled over onto the side of the road and saw great water for white water rafting that I've always wanted to do.

We passed Mount Vernon, civil war sights, and beautiful pastures with cows, mountains, and beaches.

In my small world, it is easy to forget how much is out there.

And I especially loves the y'alls that I got and how a lady in McDonald's laughed at my own northern accent. And I enjoyed mac and cheese with corn biscuits at Cracker Barrell and even purchased a Dolly Parton CD for a change. Have to love that woman as she buys books for children under five in rural areas which included the school I teach at.

Us Northerners, you have to love us. Even with all our cold, we are easily defrosted.

Another reminder how beautiful this world is. God is an amazing creator.

Hope all is well.

39 and counting

2009-03-17T16:52:00.000-07:00

Let's grab life by the horns....
For me, it's the vast realization that you cannot grab life by the hands that has been the hardest. Life is fast, busy, and you just have to pray that you are making some sort of worth while dent.

The sunlight has definitely increased my energy and I have to start taking my Crohn's medicine again. According to my doctor some of my issues are from my Crohn's disease being active. She is suggesting that I start Humira. The big C could be caused by active Crohn's and can also be caused by being on medicine like Humira, it is a catch 22.

Yesterday I watched The Boy in Striped Pajamas. The movie accurately depicts what happens when hatred is enhanced by more hatred. For me it is hard to believe that people would have done those hateful crimes to Jews. I've heard that Hitler was a dynamic speaker, but dynamic enough to get people to do those heinous crimes. Crazy stuff.

The other day I was in the doctor's office and I was watching a black man and a white man discussing politics. Also, in the doctor's office at the same time was a very diverse group like Chaldean's and Hispanics. Years ago this would not be in the case.

It made me think how wonderful it is that we live in a country where acceptance prevails over hatred. How cool! And I love that we are like chex mix, much more interesting texture and "taste". P.S. Now I am one year shy of 40.

Hope everyone is full of love.

Not in the right spot

2009-03-05T18:26:00.000-08:00

I think sometimes we find ourself in an inbetween spot where our niceness that overflowed is like a well run dry. And lately as I look at my blogs there is a recurrent theme of disillusionment and plain and simple unpositive thinking and doing things not for the right reason.

I've lost that lovely feeling....a song at this time representative of who I've been. My armour is weighing on me and with every chip is me getting hard. I know why. I have a tough group this year of students who are very needy and have huge issues being around their peers. When they get in trouble outside my class when I'm not around, people make me feel that I'm causing their behavior because I'm their caseload teacher. A special education teacher next to me hinted at the failure with a statement "I think that so and so was doing better last year, I see that he is getting E's now. But, what he is saying is last year he was the kid's caseload teacher. The reality is I'm teaching that student and two other students the same class that they failed in his class last year. But, I keep silent.

Today while I was in my classroom, two of my students on their way walking to my class were having a screaming match. This other teacher who heard them gave them a hard time. But again this male teacher made me feel that I had a hand in it despite not even being present in the hallway. I do have to say that all my eighties rock music days have made my hearing rocky and I did not hear it, even with the door open. These students are responsible for their behavior. I can do my best to teach but the students have to be willing participants.

They say that an average special education teacher has at the average a three year burnout rate. I don't want to get there. I also don't want to be a hard shell, rather an m and m, hard resilient shell, but tasty center.

Sometimes trying to be a person's savior is a reminder that you need to be your own.

I think I need to be reflective and focused for me with quiet time and mediation. I think in school I'm going to find a quiet "vacation" spot and get the heart back and more importantly my positive attitude.

Holy Grumpiness

2009-02-27T14:12:00.000-08:00

Is it the weather I ask as I dealt with grumpy students and my intense 15 year old this week?

Holy mackerel!

I kept my smile on but it can be hard when every corner seems sullen.

Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary.

Today is hip hop with my youngest.

Busy, busy, and more busy.

But.......
I am here another day
I have people I love
and I recognize that there is always room for improvement.

So, not all is bad.

Wouldn't mind some sunny weather.

My hubby.

2009-02-14T16:35:00.000-08:00

1)Husband's Name: Brian
2)How long have you been married? over ten
3)How long did you date? About a year
4)How old is he? 38
5)Who eats more sweets? I eat more chocolate. He eats more gummy worms.
6)Who is the better singer? Both of us are terrible.
7)Who is smarter? Brian knows a lot of interesting facts but I'm better at writing and I love to read.Brian is more knowledgable about the world.
8)Who does the laundry? I always make my husband frustrated with how I do laundry. He complained enough so he does it now.
9)Who pays the bills? He does but I set up electronic billing and he doesn't use it.
10)Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? I do and I always wrap by arms and legs around the poor guy.
11)Who mows the lawn? Mostly Brian.
12)Who cooks dinner? I do, most of the time.

13)Who drives? He hates my driving. I can understand.
14)Who is the first to say they are wrong? We are bad at that.
15)Who kissed who first? He is the only guy I have ever initiated a kiss.
16)Who asked who out first? I was at work in the drive thru, yes, at McDonalds and a couple of people were behind me blackmailing me to ask him out or they would. I knew that he liked me but he didn't have the guts.
17)Who wears the pants? Both.
Brian is very special and puts up with me. I need to remember that more.

Friday

2009-02-14T07:06:00.000-08:00

I actually finally completely watched a very very classic movie that I've been meaning to for years.
Let me give you a hint....

As God is my witness, I shall never be hungry again.
Frankly, my dear I don't give a damn
great balls of fire
After all tomorrow is another day.

Yep, Gone With the Wind. An amazing movie about holding on to garbage and expectations in reality that would never work out. What a message. I really enjoyed it.

Does anyone have any other classics that are worth watching?

When you age

2009-02-08T14:32:00.000-08:00

When you age you learn how to speak up
and cut through the bull,
and it feels great.

When you age,
television tells you
that each line you earned
needs to be erased.

When you age,
you go back to your roots,
the one you ran from.

When you age,
you appreciate what you have
been given.

When you age,
a true friend is like
winning the lottery.

When you age,
you can forgive yourself
and realize what you need to change.

Aging is the butterfly of growth and contentment.

Nursing my boy

2009-02-06T15:18:00.000-08:00

To make a long story short, I told a coworker that my son had hiccups while he was sleeping. She suggested that I get a sleep study done. Lo and behold we found out that my son Garrett has signs of sleep apnea and stops breathing about six times an hour. We are very thankful to my coworker for suggesting this.

Garrett had his adenoids and tonsils removed on Monday. He has definently lost his appetite and some weight which is normal. He is getting sick of popsicles and soft food but does not want to eat any food as it hurts. Poor guy, and you would not believe how sensitive and loving he gets when he is ill.

I'm looking forward to seeing him eat but thankful that we found out.

God Bless,
Dreamer Girl

Hello

2009-01-27T14:35:00.001-08:00

I will tell you one thing being a parent to a fifteen year old with a fresh attitude and a mix of stubborness and insecurity is not always fun.

But, I love him...Hopefully, life will keep me strong through the rocky boat years. OOps, it has been rocking since the rocking chair.

Life is busy and occasionally I can have a drink of red wine and watch an episode of American Idol and maybe, a chapter in a book.

Life is busy...but I am here experiencing it. Not too bad.

P.S. Here is some pictures of the bag I bought my mother in law for Christmas. It's an Elvis bag with a clock.

And some freezing pics.
Hope all is well.

Good Day

2009-01-24T08:38:00.000-08:00

Well, I told my husband about his ex trying to be on my facebook site. He suggested getting rid of it. I feel better telling him the truth...Like I said, after being in loserville for so long, I am very protective of my "gold" and treasure it. Facebook is a great site though as I have found friends that I've often wondered about over the years. My husband thinks that you need to be very careful about stuff like that.

Last night, my husband ordered nachos. Jack was the only one who had salsa and he ended up tossing his dinner horrifically. I'm pretty sure it was the salsa. I was so worried as he said his head hurt. Any mention of a headache and my fear goes to "shunt infection", but he is up this morning, very smiley and talkative. Yeah!

I've lost about eight pounds and I feel great and the energy is coming back. My mid term exams are complete and I'm getting ready to go shopping.

Hope all is well,
Dreamer Girl

Be careful...tech

2009-01-21T14:04:00.000-08:00

I've got a myspace for my nephews and nieces so that I can connect with them as they live out of state....I have a facebook to connect with all my high school friends and just girls that I have wondered about....and I have the blog for wonderful friends like Karen and my family to read about my life and to just VENT. But something happened yesterday that made me think. I looked at my facebook and my husband's ex fiancee tried to add me as her friend. I've seen her but never met her.

The reality is she probably wanted my facebook to see what my husband's life is like, possibly see some photos. It got me thinking...dangerous territory.....Do I really want her to know about our life or worse let my husband know that she wanted this information? He was terribly hurt by her as she had many boyfriends during their engagements.

It made me think...Here I am rejecting her friend suggestion and I am keeping mum to my husband. Should I? I almost don't want him to think that she was doing this....Or is it wrong to lie?

I love my husband and APPRECIATE his wonderful qualities. Truth is I don't want any ex doing the same nor do I want to give my husband any thoughts to think about.

I can see how tech can cause issues.
Dreamer Girl

I

Goofing around

2009-01-16T04:35:00.000-08:00

Here is a picture of Jack who fell asleep with his favorite toy Godzilla. Also, Roger who loves Sammy girl and one more pic of Sammy girl showing off.

-23 Day Off

2009-01-16T03:44:00.000-08:00

It is super freezing and instead of a snow day, I have a minus 23 cold day. One catch of course, my children have only a half day. So, sigh, I cannot go shopping and have a total girl day! Maybe, I'll fit in an eyebrow wax or I'll be Oscar on Sesame Street. If this pace continues, I'll be a grizzly by next Christmas.

Life is continually being busy. My son Jack was able to get in therapy and on Monday gets almost two hours of occupational and speech therapy. Jack has some real sensory issues. He will wake up in the morning with red marks from no circulation because his pants were scrunched up and he doesn't even notice say if he has a little wedgie. So, his therapists has me brushing his arms, hands, feet, and legs with a therapy brush to awaken those sensors. They do interesting things but it works.

Jack seems to be more apt to try things. He is very behind, almost half his age. But, it seems like he has the capacity to learn more at this current stage. Much more receptive and I have to laugh as he is now showing some signs of disagreeing and questioning.

We signed up Garrett and him for hip hop dance classes. When I was younger, boys did not really dance or they had that stereotype that they were you know. When I walked into the dance class, I saw a roomful of boys. Wow, very hyper but they were having lots of fun. I have always danced with my boys and it shows. They all love to dance. Really cute.

Dayton has finals this week. I'm beginning to really see that he needs lots of assistance with how to study for tests. I found this out when watching him study for his finals. He has no clue! I am going to have to work with him at least once a week to assist him.

Brian is working hard and is working on a recall for his snack company due to the company who had some issues with salmonella in their peanut butter. Hopefully, it will not affect the sales too drastically.

Peace and love,
Dreamer Girl

Sammy & Me

2009-01-10T11:40:00.000-08:00

I think Sammy girl is trying to tell mom and dad to get off the couch and take her for a walk. What do you think?

Christmas Deals

2009-01-08T15:24:00.000-08:00

Three years ago I started the tradition of shopping after Christmas to save money. I went to one of my favorite country stores and bought $80.00 worth of Christmas deals. The money I save is well worth the hassle. Occasionally I buy something and it ends up on my shelf. Santa is sure thoughtful!!!!!!!!!

P.S. I bought a valance with Santa Claus hats.

Super cute. Thanks Santa

5 Pounds Off

2009-01-07T17:38:00.000-08:00

I was very excited to see 5 of my 25 pounds off of my scale! The best part is that I seem to have a little more jump, but much more needed. This time my scale is set for realistic. Please don't find me vain, but my energy and health seemed to be going downhill. It's time to take care of myself more.

Since Christmas, I have been fighting a holy terror sinus infection. My cough is a little wheezy so might have to see the doctor as the medicine is out but my cold is not.

Hope every one has wonderful health, a sweet smile, and is getting plenty of hugs.

New Year's Pictures

2009-01-01T16:00:00.000-08:00

New Year's Contemplation

2008-12-31T14:22:00.000-08:00

The older I get
the more I realize
that the young idealistic view
of what I can't do I can do later is
not in my ball park. Time is precious
and I can choose to let life passing in the slow lane or speeding by in the fast lane when really all I desire in a nice ride in the middle lane. Life is about an occasional Margarita with loads of moderation.

Today I darkened my hair and it felt great. I think that I can have just as much fun being natural. My resolve to lose weight, a healthy weight, is only part of my plan. This year I want it to be the year I write a book. And I don't even know what I'm going to write about. But, I also need to continue noticing the world around me and what I can do to make it better. My heart is resolved to give much more love to the people around me.

I had to laugh when I watched a short commercial about a matchmaking program. The young girl says to her husband to be I resolve to never wear funky pajamas. He looks at her and says why don't you resolve not to wear pajamas at all? Between all the late night college nights, work, and children I forgot to nurture myself and my marriage. The more I take care of myself, the better I can do for everyone else around me.

Two years ago I proved to myself that I can make a drastic change. May 2009 be the year we all set out to nurture our goals while helping others improve theirs.

Happy New Year,

Dreamer Girl.

Brown or Yellow

2008-12-30T14:40:00.000-08:00

So far, so good. My second day has been successful. I bought some skinless chicken breasts, cooked them, and put them in individual sandwich bags to unfreeze for dinner. As I do this, I can't help but think why does everything fun have to be bad for you? We will have to see if I can create a variety of good and healthy food that tastes great but does not cost a boatload.

On the hair front, I have blonde highlights that are screaming desperately near the ends. I'm considering going Au natural as the maintenance is pricey and the growing out awful looking. My hair has never been dark, rather a unique version of mud and lace. Yet in the summer, it does get quite light from the sun. We will have to see. Unfortunately I tried it dark once but the strawed out ends seem to always come back.

That is why I like the New Year. Something bites us in the --- and makes us want to get moving until alas that spring sun is bursting in the air.

Dreamer Girl

First day

2008-12-28T16:18:00.000-08:00

I'm checking in. I did the elliptical for 25, stationary bike for 16 minutes, and did about 7 minutes of weights. My goal is to stick with it( Sounds like a plan unless you minus the pizza we ate for dinner-oops). But, I got off my butt and for the first day that is okay. Tomorrow is the big day no flour and no sugar.

I wish that chocolate, bread rolls, and pasta were veggies.

Had to fit that one in.

This pic will be my before pic.

Baby Fix

2008-12-28T14:00:00.000-08:00

With my sister and baby in tow, I got a real big baby fix, yeah!

New Year's Ideas Floating to the Surface

2008-12-27T20:06:00.001-08:00

Now I love my older sister
and she hit it to me straight in the face with her comment that we are not aging well. Then I looked at my picture taken today and saw my "exploding body". I've been saying it and saying it- Girl, it's time to get moving.

I'm not into the Cosmo version of a body and never will. It's like looking in a bag of chips...how many perfectly formed round chips are there. Not too many. But, healthy is just the best. Smaller portions, healthy items, with a yes it is okay occasional splurge.Unfortunately, my occasional splurge has been occasionally every day.

So, I started this journal with a new fresh outlook over a year ago. It has been two years since I quit smoking, yeah! My idea was to get kicking into a fresher lifestyle. So, I failed oh, well. Time to start again. Two years ago around New Years I successfully kept my resolution. So, now it's time to conquer this resolution to get in shape and eat healthier.

I like life as it so amazing. Dreams are obtainable wherever you reach. So, I have another hill to climb. First of all, I am here to climb it so that's pretty good. Second, a healthier lifestyle would benefit my children as well.Plus, what girl does not like to get the husband freaking over a big shopping bill.

Now, sis, I think I can forgive you for not laying on the tact. It might just help me fit into that little black dress or maybe, a medium black dress.

Happy New Year,

Dreamer Girl

Merry Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T08:48:00.001-08:00

Presents are unwrapped
coffee cup almost empty
kids running figuring out the electronics
mom is well-rested
before the big ham dinner.

Enjoy,

Merry Christmas everyone

Karen and Katie video

2008-12-23T18:04:00.000-08:00

Karen, I know around this time it must get rough. I tried to email you the video but I don't think it worked. I just wanted you to know that you inspired a whole class of students. They just had the best time and they found so many donations. Your love is continuing full circle. Dreamer Girl

Ronald McDonald Visit and yes, another diet

2008-12-19T14:44:00.001-08:00

We had a blessed visit at the Ronald McDonald House. I was very surprised to hear that Ronald McDonald sets up the business but fully expects the house to find funding. The volunteers were wonderful and my students felt they had done a good deed with all of the donations including 80 pounds of sugar!

On the diet front, my sister in law has inspired me with her weight loss to get off my butt! The other day I went sledding and had a hard time getting up. What a wake up call that was. I better stop before I spiral down even further.

See ya,

Dreamer Girl

Warm blankets

2008-12-11T18:35:00.001-08:00

Blogging has brought good things in my life. On my blogging journey I've met a wonderful woman named Karen who despite a huge loss has committed herself to helping people who really need a warm blanket to get them through some difficult times.
She has inspired me to make blankets with my students and another teacher. Luckily, I did not do the sewing as I am a home ec reject. We will be delivering them to a Ronald McDonald Home in honor of Karen and her daughter Katie.

Thanks Karen for your inspiration and your big heart. My students are so proud of themselves!

Lots of Recognition

2008-12-11T18:08:00.000-08:00

Today my family attended the showing for my exes brother. My husband decided to loan my son his suit. Seeing my son in a suit was like revisiting homecoming at the age of fifteen with his dad. Wow, twins! My oldest son is getting so tall and handsome.

It was awkward seeing my ex husband's family. Divorce tends to cut deep lines with a set defense and offense. I was a grump all day knowing that I had to see people from my past. Especially, when I know my ex father-in-law still hates me. Yet, I was able to give my ex sister-in-law a hug. She was always the sweetest person. That was one of my biggest regrets, not seeing her any more.

I've spent many years explaining my defense of how he cheated on me and went to the bar all the time. Explaining the situation always made the bad girl image seem a little more squeaky clean. Tonight as I walked out of the funeral home I realized something......just maybe, I am a little bit high and mighty. Not that I am a perfect being, but there are those moments that my head is a little big for my britches when I am always judging my ex. Who am I to judge? Maybe, it's time to just bury the past where it belongs..in the past.

I walked out of that funeral showing realizing that no matter our actions and deeds, the simple matter is none of us know when our last day is. What really matters is what you have done today and tomorrow.

Why mom?

2008-12-09T06:11:00.000-08:00

Last night at about 7:00 PM my son got a call. His forty year old Uncle from my ex husband's family had died of a heart attack at 4:07. I have known Dennis since I was fourteen. When I was dating his brother, he always liked to tease me. He really was a funny guy. I was even in his wedding. He leaves behind an eighteen year old son and two carrott top 5 and seven year old girls and a fantastic wife.

And he was close with my son, attending his football games and family functions. My son has suffered many losses in the last two years: his baby sister ( at 4 months age) from his dad and stepmom, gigi his great grandmother, and now his uncle. In his tearful eyes, he asked the poignant question why?

Like I said, this year has been very sad with the death of a well-loved principal, my niece's real father, a teacher's husband, another teacher's dad, and now, my ex's family has suffered one more to a triple loss.

I'm sure that Dennis woke up with no thought that today would be his last. It has been an exceedingly sad year for many people along with the spiraling econcmy. I pray that there will be some needed comfort to these people at this time of year.

Dreamer Girl

A Friendly visit

2008-12-06T14:08:00.000-08:00

Roger had a friendly visit today from one of his mom's friends from Canada. I am pretty sure that they were here to make sure Roger was in safe hands. His mom gave them a care package for Roger with chinese toothpaste and snacks that I've never seen. She also bought Roger a webcam for her to see him. As you can see by the pictures, the couple was absolutely adorable. The man's name was Frank and his wife Betty. Frank is a doctor at a university that studies eye diseases. He told us that he is currently testing rats to see if this special contact will work on the diseases. They actually make contacts that can fit on a rat. From the gist of the conversation, he said that the rats are friendly. Interesting. His wife is an airline attendant from Air Canada.

Afterwards my husband and Roger took them out to eat. They had a fabulous time and I think that they feel that Roger is in good hands.

P.S. This is Roger with his haircut and first American stocking.

See ya
Dreamer Girl

Blessings

2008-12-05T14:08:00.001-08:00

This year has been so sad at the district I work at. Another teacher lost her father this week. I feel so badly for her especially to have to deal with this around the holidays. At times like this, I feel so lucky to have all the people I love in my life. It almost makes you feel like you are winning the lottery and you are knocking on wood to keep it that way. Nevertheless, my pot is very full.

The older I get the more I realize how gosh darn lucky I am to be here and have the opportunity to tell people how much they mean to me. I'm thinking about giving my coworker an angel night light. Do you think this would be appropriate?

Keep on chugging along.

Dreamer Girl

Aunt at Last

2008-12-04T17:11:00.000-08:00

Christmas Favorites

2008-11-28T13:10:00.000-08:00

I have so many favorites about the holiday,
here they are:

When Harry Met Sally-Billy Crystal's pessimistic character meets very picky Meg Ryan. (I have a couple coworkers like that-I almost want to say it's like ordering a hamburger with out meat). The pic I picked demonstrates perfectly a man who is not ready to commit.

The Christmas Story-I especially love the scene where the main character is dreaming about his winning paper and the teacher is so excited about it. This story demonstrates how children are so egomaniacs. And of course, the battle between mom and dad over the leg lamp. I watch this every year.

The song "Baby, it's cold outside" and Santa Baby (after all, wouldn't we like our lists turned into reality.

Taking out all the ornaments and decorations given by family and friends. I still have ornaments when I was a director at a daycare center. If you want memories to last, give people these items. Every time I pull out one from the box, memories flutter like butterflies.

Old school made christmas items from my children-every year I pull out items my children made for me as little kids. This always makes me smile.

My fav foods: chocolate peppermint bark, cheese ball and crackers. my mom's twice baked potatoes, and mash potatoes and gravy.

The general giving atomosphere:People tend to have more goodwill during Christmas than any other time. If only.....

Pictures of family members that passed away: At this time of year, I am very happy that I have pictures of my grandmas that passed away. I would do anything to spend a day with them.

Besides these, I am happy for all the love and kindess I have this year, my children are here with me, and extended family.

Thoughts

2008-11-22T20:46:00.001-08:00

I am treasuring this weekend. Hot chocolate, a good book, plenty of baths, Christmas shopping, pizza, and a lazy nap. My radar is on zzzzz's and more zzzzz's. My snowmen are out and my husband has some of the lights on. Christmas is a beautiful time, rejuvenates the spirit of giving and helping others. My one wish is that we would consider this all the time. As my eyes slowly drift of, I hope everyone has a lovely Thanksgiving with memories of love and family. Peace always, Dreamer Girl P.S. enjoy this video of Roger and my son in wigs doing a Wayne's World Bohemian Rhapsody for mock rock. All the money went to charity. Yeah!

Howdy

2008-11-06T18:05:00.000-08:00

Hi,
It seems so long since I've emailed. It sounds funny to type emailed instead of written. LOL, times have changed. I've been so busy finishing up our Halloween sale, Thanksgiving food drive, and getting ready for our Christmas field trip. But, it is so worth it for the students. Compassion is the best skill to learn, and it feels so good.

I am hoping that everyone is doing well and having bright sunny days filled with love and smiles. My energy level has been much better since things have been slowing down. Yeah!

I've been the Christmas thief, taking $50.00 out a week for shopping. I hate to watch our bank account diminish due to last minute spending not saving. Hopefully, this will make Christmas much more enjoyable and not take such a huge dent out.

What are some neat traditions that you do with your families? I like to have my kids pick out a special ornament each year that they will keep when they leave the house. What I really love is that my mom gave me her manger and Jesus figurines that she made when I was a little girl. It is special to take out the ceramics that she made and priceless because they are from her. All that and even has hay from the seventies. Wow!

P.S. attached is a pic of my two youngest boys crying when they were little. Just over a year apart. I remember feeling overwhelmed. It is amazing how they have changed.

Crazy video

2008-10-25T16:30:00.000-07:00

I am starting to make my video to my students. This is the first scene where I am pulling my hair out over the crazy class. By the end of the video, they will be the perfect class ready to move on. Don't forget my day job, lol.

Lot's of Pride

2008-10-25T16:13:00.001-07:00

Please don't laugh....
I watched Pride and Prejudice again
only for the 20th time.
If only I could go back for
one day,
and wear gowns (no corsets please)
and experience books, art, and the interesting language and social rules.
Now- why would I want to do that?
There is something romantic about that era.

Hopeless romantic...and I spend way too much
money reading old fashion romance books.

Not that my husband would agree. Most of the time,
I just want to fall into that pillow and do nothing.
You know what I mean. I really need to give my husband a date night.
This old lady is acting kind of old.

Today I found out that my niece's real father died, the one she has never met. He chose that. My sister is going to tell her tomorrow. I feel so sad that she never had the opportunity to get closure. Maybe it won't affect her. She never brought it up. Who knows? But, I still feel sad. She is a great kid.

Well, here is a picture of my son's mohawk. He calls himself a rock star. So cute.

Freeing the spirit

2008-10-22T17:21:00.000-07:00

As an English person,
I especially enjoyed
having lunch with the science teachers
at the high school I work at.

First, they analyzed what the white dots on top of the tomato juice was. I heard someone say possible calcium deposits. Afterwards, the conversation turned to other countries and how they use actual bone for bone china that is served in the white house, rare forms of food, and about liver and other organ meat that is bad for you. When they were finished, the conversation went from flood plains to pump sumps etc. It was cute. When I asked the curriculum director what the social studies teachers talked about, she said social causes. When I got to the English teacher, she said sex.

I guess being an English teacher is pretty interesting lol.

It has been an interesting year so far. I have a few students who have issues with each other so I am being patient and hoping that I can give them the social skills they will need in the future. I am also thinking about writing a short book on project oriented lesson plans. Most of my lessons involve a theme and a huge project. As a teacher, you have to try to address all the learning styles like auditory, visual,verbal, tactile, and performance learners. Project learning was always my favorite.

Who knows where I will end up? But, I still long for so many experiences. A person suggested to me that I should try to get on the school board to represent students with disabilities. I long to do something for students and educating them based on what they need. But, I also long for simplicity. Yesterday, I woke up in the middle of the night and walked into my youngest son's room. I got in his bed and just snuggled up to him while he was sleeping. It felt like heaven. Our life is going fast. It makes me sad to see many aspects of our old life gone like Barney, McDonald's, Chucky Cheese, and gaps from missing teeth. It seems like I am always fighting what I long for or what I already have.

Yet today, a devastating fact came to light. One of our teachers died from a blood clot she received as a result of a car accident. 41 years old. Maybe, I just need to appreciate what I have as I have it.

I feel better after getting some sleep. Also, a huge amount of overflowing paperwork has been completed. It has lifted my to do list tremendously. Please pray for this woman's family. I cannot even imagine their grief or want to.

Hoping for a freer spirit for all of us.

Zippo energy

2008-10-17T20:42:00.000-07:00

I'm like that ziplock bag that is not totally latched. My energy level feels like it is slowly being sucked out of me. My crohn's probably has something to do with it and lack of exercise. But, life is keeping me at the driver's wheel and desk. Running, running, and more running.

I drove two hours to a conference on sensory integration today. We experimented with rex bands, exercise balls, and even did some juggling. Two balls at various times is what I can juggle with. There was tons of information about teenagers and how their growth ties in with brain develoment. It made me feel good to be there.

We decided to take Roger to some haunted houses tonight. But, I honestly did not enjoy it as I was so tired. I think I really need to have some down time and make an appointment with my doctor.

Hope every one is doing well.

Team Hoyt

2008-10-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

I had one of those sinking days.
Just where everyone's mood seemed to be caught in my fish net.
Magically, a video appeared that just made things seem manageable again.
God knows when we need a little boost. Hope you enjoy it.

Savoring the moment of peace

2008-10-01T14:48:00.000-07:00

Nice, very nice,
my nicely rounded tush
has a second to savor
and sit down.
With horseback riding, two boys in football, and jazz choir, life is busy indeed. No complaints but sitting down and savoring is heaven. Sipping hot chocolate on a rainy day is another benefit. Coming home to chili in a crock pot, hot and ready is another.

My husband is shopping with Roger to find him a nice suit for homecoming this weekend. I was worried that my freshman son would be sad because he does not have a date and isn't going. I was not in any particular rush to have him go to homecoming as he is pretty young yet. My fears were unfounded. Life moves on for teenagers with many other concerns. I'm still trying to encourage him to find friends who are just normal,everyday kids. He has this hang up about popular kids who talk to him in school but not at home. We have had the conversation about real friends versus acquaintances. He is not getting the picture.

After going scouting with the cub scouts and seeing some of the boy scouts, I thought long and hard about the popularity ladder. It is hard to stay up and easy to go down. From what I've heard from friends who have kids that are popular, it can be very hard to stay there and can get quite nasty. Who knows? The reality is many of the kids that I heard were geeky in high school are doing things like opening businesses, traveling the world, and doing fun things. Not being popular did not hurt them. But kids are kids.

I've been thinking about my middle son. It seems like we never have time to connect like the other two. His schedule is better suited for my husband to take to practice than me. I need to make more effort to have one on one with him. I have to laugh at how much he is like me in personality. Stubborn and loving at the same time.

I hope everyone is doing well.

America the beautiful

2008-09-28T07:57:00.001-07:00

This weekend I went camping with my son's cub scouts. We had a fantastic time, full of fall's beautiful colors, the smell of a campfire, and a view of pitch dark with a full view of the big dipper. Lovely.

I will especially treasure these pictures as tears sprang into my eyes. Since 9/11, every time I hear the pledge of allegiance my eyes mist. It was even more special to hear these young kids bless our country.

Some things you can never forget.

life at home

2008-09-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

This is a goofy video. I had to edit because my son had his school jersey on. I am so paranoid about people knowing certain things. It was funny to see Roger glued to the computer screen. Don't mind me about my fat comment as it was all in fun. People change for the better; hopefully, at least my personality.

God Bless,

Dreamer Girl

BZZE BEE

2008-09-22T17:38:00.000-07:00

I haven't had lots of time to write.
But I am thinking of everyone........
And I really miss my sister
Seems like we don't have as much to say on the phone like we used to

Many miles separate us.
Life is busy.

If I could package up time,

I would unwrap it slowly and savor each bite.

Drops of Rain admist hopes of a beautiful sun rise

2008-09-13T12:36:00.001-07:00

With all the commotion going on in Texas, the raindrops on my windows remind me how lucky I am to only have the remnants of a hurricane. My husband's niece and nephew live in Texas. We are praying for their safety and hope that they will feel some inner peace. I miss them so much.

Many chuckles as Roger is enjoying his taste of freedom with junk food, video games, and computer games. We warned him about good sleep and to limit his time with these things. We took him to a steakhouse restaurant in which he ordered chicken wings. He could not believe the super sized portions, exactly! We aren't the leading country with obesity for no reason!

My eldest is having a hard time adapting to high school. He likes it but with football and longer and harder assignments, it is stressing him out. Hopefully, this to will pass as he adjusts to the new routine. However, he is enjoying Spanish. It is hard for me to believe that I took over three years of Spanish when I was younger. It is true, if you don't use it you lose it.

My mass cooking project is working very well for my family. I have at least an hour of free time. Dish out the food, microwave, and buenos! It takes awhile on Saturday but is so worth it.

Jack and Garrett are doing fine. I am getting ready to go to war at school. See, there is this fabulous music teacher who runs a music program after school. It is such a fabulous program that they only take the first sixty. Can you imagine all the soccer moms rearing to get their child in the program on Monday? I asked my husband to go to school on Monday so they don't miss out. Hysterical to watch all the moms plan their strategies.

My husband Brian has been enjoying having Roger around. They are like two buddies-playing basketball, video games, and talking over the lawn mower. I still can't figure out who the kid is.

Extra prayers go out to my brother and his wife who had to put their family dog to sleep. It has been very painful for them. A prayer to my sister Kristi who is due to have a baby in a few months. Attached is a picture.

May everyone have a moment of peace and smiles of joy. We all have the scoops of pain but may it be easier to swallow this week.

What a day!

2008-09-11T17:32:00.000-07:00

On my way to work I heard a beautiful speech but I did not catch from who. The man said these sentences:

Despite their chaos they did not stop our democratic society. Any one can bomb a place up.

After the explosion

Fireman and civilians were still out there with buckets and shovels working together in a democratic fashion.

No one can ever win with chaos. Chaos does not last......................

When I used to look out my window in my apartment, I saw the twin trade centers, a symbol of American ingenuity and commerce.

Now all I see is the statute of liberty.

(My what a speaker and I agree, Chaos does not win over love)

My only fear is that we let our guard down.

On a sad side, I did my usual emotion eating. I was told a horrible thing today about abuse of a child. So, on the way home I stopped and grabbed two sugar cookies with frosting and a coffee. It is so hard for me to deal with stuff like this. In extreme circumstances, I reach for the sugar. What bothers me is I never know what to say. I get nervous and blab over a loo miles a second. I wish that I could just say the right thing. Do you have any suggestions? Especially when dealing with a hurt child.

I pray for many days of peace.

Roger has a partner and other stories

2008-09-10T17:12:00.000-07:00

Hello,

Roger has been elated all day about finding a "partner" to attend Homecoming. It took awhile to explain the concept of a homecoming king and queen but he was able to understand. Roger has such an outgoing personality. He believes in the concept heavily, about doing your all.

On the school front, I have a class that is going to need a lot of work. They remind me of siblings, with things such as "he is looking at me" etc. SO, patience is on the menu.

My blogger friend Karen who has the biggest heart and lots of compassion makes blankets for people who are in the hospital. I am hoping some of my family members or friends will join in and make blankets in honor of her beautiful daughter Katie. HINT, HINT. When my son Jack was very ill in intensive care, I will never forget two area girls who gave up their Christmas presents to buy presents for sick kids. On Christmas eve when I received their gifts, I was touched in the biggest way. If you would like a pattern email me and I'll give you the one she gave me.

To lots of love, compassion, and thankfulness

P.S. there is a picture of Karen attached

Roger

2008-09-05T17:10:00.000-07:00

"Roger" my exchange student has been a lot of fun. Despite our "honeymoon" status, I have to say that Roger has a happy go lucky personality, is very intelligent, and OUTGOING. After 4 days of school, he is already talking about an homecoming dance and getting a dance partner, and wanting to have a party. Yet, I had to laugh as I watched his eyes bulge out at the fact in Michigan we have a 21 year old age requirement. One thing that I didn't know-China has no age limit on alcohol.

If more people opened their home to diversity, so many gaps would be bridged. The knowledge I have gained in a short week is so unbelievable.

To a big world with hopes of chocolate and a mean glass of red wine.

P.S. The picture on top shows Roger's room in China. It's hard to believe that his room at our house is exactly the same color.

Daddy's Shoes

2008-09-01T10:08:00.000-07:00

We were having a drive in the car, casually discussing what items we had bought our children for school. The drive happened to be in the area where my husband had grown up. With that topping of nostalgia, my husband told us about "daddy's shoes". My husband had grown up with a mother who remained in foster care until she was grown out of the system. Her education consisted of a third grade education. She wasn't considered adoptable because her complexion resembled mixed blood of a possible Hispanic origin. Back then, no one wanted children of color. After having my Brian, her husband left her for the next door neighbor. She lost the only house that she had ever had and was again on her own, only this time with a child.

My husband Brian grew up in apartment living, with welfare handouts, and trips to the grocery store from city buses. His mom would not drive as she was very scared. With the extreme poverty, Brian never had new shoes for school like the other kids. He told me about how he took care of his shoes. He would boil his laces with bleach, hoping to make the dirt come clean. Afterwards, he would use white shoe polish to make them look white. He told me that they probably looked worse but as a child it made him feel better.

The one thing about my husband is the way he took care of his shoes as a child is the way he takes care of everything in his life. Consequently, due to his upbringing, he had learned to work very hard and to respect what things he had been given. As we speak, he is scrubbing our white walls with bleach. Yesterday, he painstakingly painted our basement trim white for our brand new exchange student which I will be picking up tonight. "Daddy's shoes" apply to every area of his life. Fortunately for me, me as well.

My children have never wanted for anything. After watching "The Kite Runner", a fictional story, I forever realize how lucky my children are to have not suffered like in other areas of the world. They have never worn "daddy's shoes" or have lived in a world of extreme hatred. They can wear their shoes and play. I just don't think they have the realization of wearing "daddy's shoes". Today as my oldest child put on his pair of new Reebok shoes, I told him the story of my husband. They seemed to dismiss it or rather not buy into the character of the story.

It really makes me think.

Food Timeline

2008-08-29T13:55:00.000-07:00

Memories are always attached at the hip.

When I think about my past, it often resembles a food timeline. Weird concept, but so true.

As a child, what stands out to me is my mom's famous tomato, lettuce, and miracle whip sandwiches. The difference was the tomatoes were big, fat, and fresh tasting like tomatoes from a farm stand (not like the organic tomates on a slim fast diet) and zucchini pancakes. Strange but very good. My mom's liver and onions still manage a shrill shudder.

In my just getting independence teen state, my favorite memories involve riding my bike for an hour to meet my best friend at Tony's (every one should have a Tony's). Those memories consist of a too thick chocolate shake for a straw with loads of whipped topping along with thick wedged french fries covered in brown gravy. The best result was that I could eat that and not have a thick waist.

Around my college days, food consisted of "I can afford Ramen noodles" and Kraft mac and cheese with major amounts of caffeine to stay up during those long nights of studying and writing papers. Food was a necessity back then, one that was hard to come by.

With my pregnancy, came orange circles of spagghettios, cheerios, bites of hot dogs in ketchup, and the old faithful mac and cheese. At that time, food was eaten to encourage the crying kid in the high chair to please eat. Those extra bites sure paid off, at least in my department.

With marriage came a compromise of my husband's favorite pizza (he still remembers the phone number to Domino's pizza from his bachelor days) and his favorites from his mom's good cooking, and of course, my mom's cooking. We blended our two styles to make a manageable one.

This weird timeline came to me when I made my son spaghettios for his lunch. I was assailed with memories of him shooting spagghettios off his high chair. For me, spagghettios will forever be linked to my boys as little toddlers.

Just as spagghettios bring to vision my boys as toddlers, memories of food linger in my mind....my very first A&W root beer float, a swallow of Mad Dog to look cool in my teenage years, and peanut butter sandwiches in high school that stuck to the roof of my mouth. Certain memories have things attached, like when I had my first child and was freezing cold from the effects of labor and that nurse gave me a heated white blanket that felt like the best damn thing I had in a long time.

I read in Woman's Day that to quit a habit you must cherish it. The author wrote that is why she thinks restrictive diets don't work. You need to like and enjoy what you eat. Interesting concept. Maybe, I should try cherishing food with smaller amounts and healthy amounts of exercise. Cherish my health not torture it.

The older I get my food memories will include an occasional glass of red wine, wedding cake at my future daughter-in-law's wedding, birthday cake at my "grand kids" birthday, and turn into soft foods that eventually will be hard to swallow with my patterned old hands. Life is a huge taste of many things. I'm glad I get to sample.

I"ve Had It

2008-08-27T17:45:00.000-07:00

Now, how many times have I said that I am going to eat better, exercise, and take better care of myself. Some ungodly number.

I've quit habits and made some major life changes. (positive)

In the process, my body weight and energy has diminished.
It does not mean that I have to starve and be a size two. Yet, it does not have to be two multiped by a number higher that ten. The truth is my body is aging and that mean slowing down not losing brain cells. My desire is to have energy and be there for my grandchildren.

I feel like an alcoholic watching the beer bottles collect on top of each other. My weight is continually progressing and it's time to stop!

IT would be okay if my energy level was there but it is at zilch.

Time to get moving missy!

Wish me luck.

Back to work

2008-08-26T16:06:00.000-07:00

It was a nice day back very uncomplicated. When you have experience, it can only get better as long as you don't lose enthusiasm. Despite my room being packed in boxes, I was able to get my classroom going. The enthusiasm factor is slowly reeling in.

My friend showed me this cool mom planner by Avalanche called Mom's Plan it. The planner has room for menus, addresses, and has plenty of room w/o taking up lots of space. It looks like a small recipe book. Very nifty! Something about getting near forty; any information I get does not stick to the brainage. There was a time that I had a photographic memory. Sad. Now, I have to write EVERYTHING, so unfair. Women get the monthly, have the babies, and menopause, not to discredit the blossoming hair on the body, lower metabolism, and sinking bones. You have to add memory loss to, oh, boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Might as well admit defeat.

Have a wonderful day and take a minute to relax.

Dreamer Girl

The clock has stopped

2008-08-25T04:44:00.000-07:00

My last day of summer vacation is today. Tomorrow I will get up early, eat a quick breakfast, and scramble out the door with my dripping coffee. Time to bear with the traffic, swerving cars with cell phone drivers, and get my classroom unpacked from the boxes. Brrrrr.

I know I should not explain but I simply like the easy lifestyle, kids waking up natural, and not rushing. Before you know it, I will be back in the routine. Life just takes awhile, adjusting to the curves.

I watched an excellent movie this week called "21". For a girl like me who knows only how to play war and spoons, the concept of counting cards and blackjack did not seem like a match. But, the plot was superb, the characters had loads of expression and intensity, and character. It has been a super long time that I really thought a movie sailed like an early morning breeze. You will have to check it out. Not that I didn't like the Dark Knight, I did. This movie just has some excellence that I haven't seen in a while.

This Monday at 10:01, our exchange student from China will be at our airport. Thankfully, only ten minutes from our home. The poor kid has school the very next day. He had a hard time finding an inexpensive air plane ticket. Through our correspondence, I can tell that he really is an outgoing young man with good manners. I am a little nervous, especially my husband. It is nerve wracking when you are faced with uncertainty, but I feel this will be a good experience for my family.

I got my first contract for my book except that I have to pay $4,000 dollars to get it published. Had to laugh at that one.

Have a wonderful day and enjoy the upcoming holiday.

NASCAR DAZE

2008-08-23T13:47:00.000-07:00

One of my old friends that worked with me at my first teaching job called and invited me to go to a Nascar race because her dad just passed away and had two extra tickets. It was a whole interesting world for someone like me whose nose is always in a book. A die hard fan, Pam had everything planned out. First, we had to leave at 2:30 AM, yes 2:30 AM so that she could get a handicapped seat close by (she drives an amigo due to a bad leg). After getting a parking spot, we slept for two hours, and had breakfast. Afterwards, we walked around and got free products from vendors like Tylenol, Coke, and Tums. I even got to be on a show called "Speed" a live Nascar show. I had to laugh at all the pretty 20 somethings that were on display. Even more, the young men that had googly eyes watching them dance on live television. I had a bag full of souvenirs from Nascar cups to posters.

After the vendors, we went back to the van where Pam packed a nice lunch with items like cheese, crackers, watermelon, hot dogs, chocolate cake, and snacks. All the big rigs next to us were grilling outside. By the Nascar illustrations on their vehicles, it became clear to me that Nascar has some major fans.

We had good seats on the very top row which I was gasping as I have a fear of heights since breaking my arm in gymnastics. It was exciting to see all the cars racing around the track. As a novice, I never knew how long those drivers race at those amazing speeds. Three hours-crazy. When the youngster who won got out of his car, he did a backward flip off the car. Needless to say, I am glad that I'm not that boy's parents. Pretty scary stuff.

Interesting world out there. So many things to experience. I came home exhausted and glad to be home. It was fun but those Nascar fans definitely have more energy than this dreamer girl who lounges on a couch reading a good book.

A Future For Jack

2008-08-22T04:21:00.000-07:00

I like learning about new technology. This short clip is about the No Child Left Behind. Microsoft Photo Story is a free download. I've made a 45 minute film about my students this year. I incorporated video and pictures using windows movie maker which is a feature of windows. You plug your videocamera into the port and pick which scenes you want. You can shorten and mix things in the order you want, add music, pictures, and clip art. Very cool and a feature that is already with your package so no cost. Cool. Eventually, I would like to make live photo albums of my children and family. The best part is it's free and will last many years. Since I am pretty new, you will have to pardon my new beginnings.

Cleaning up

2008-08-21T04:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I hope you enjoy the images courtesy of my mother. I just love her photographs. In her sixties, she is definitely finding more interests and talents.

It is seven AMish, and I already set up online billing and fed my two boys. I decided to make life easier for my husband who forgets to pay bills in a timely manner. Hopefully, this will help him not pay tons of bills at one time. This year I am determined to focus on getting more organized and efficient. I actually called my state senator and got some wills that are prudent to our state. My accountant says that it is just as good as a lawyers. Mine is complete, now for my husband.

So far, the set cleaning item for each day is going well with my children. Yesterday was vacuum day, Tuesday was laundry day. It was cute to see them fold their laundry. Independence is a good thing.

Last but not least, I purchased freezerware for my mass cooking which will include 5 days of cooking in one setting, freeze, and microwave for dinner.

Hopefully, my new years enthusiasm will remain steady.

Isn't life grand?

Sentimental

2008-08-19T10:11:00.000-07:00

In the midst of all the chaos of getting back to work, I find myself being melancholy. I am hanging on the last minute threads of peace and quietness that will soon be gone with the fast pace of work life and errands. So, it's like this peaceful butterfly who is enjoying and savoring his existence. I know mine is almost up.

Many gifts

2008-08-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

Today I received more information on my exchange student. What really hit me was the picture of him sandwiched between his mom and dad. Seeing there faces really impacted the gift that they are giving, how scary, exciting, and nervous they must be for their son to go to the United States. I am reminded of my big duty that they are entrusting to me. Hopefully, I do it well.

I found him a twin bed and bought him a black and gray down comforter. My mom gave me about three months ago a nice white and black sheet set with a bed skirt. It looks nice. His bedroom is a room/sports room with a pool table, TV, and air hockey table. To the right of the room, is a small room which is my son's room. I still have to get him a computer desk and dresser. I've been using the bargains because school shopping along with renewing my teacher license is zipping at those $$$$$. The basement is finished, has Berber carpet, and is nicely painted. I hope he likes it.

And I'm excited because I stopped at a rummage sale and bought some good bargains, ornaments, brand new Christmas presents never opened, picture frames, candles, and decorations-most of them new. Cool!

I love a good bargain.

Family Reunion pics

2008-08-12T16:12:00.000-07:00

On Saturday we went to our annual family reunion. With many deaths due to age, our reunions are getting
smaller
small
barely there

To make matters worse, there was rain and lightening. But, you can see by the look on Snookie's face, she loves to talk about history.

The best part history teaches us a good lesson.

Almost 6 AM

2008-08-12T02:53:00.000-07:00

It's six Am and I am drinking my black coffee already. Why may you ask? Too much going on with appointments and planning for the school year. I decided to take a break and put some pics on my blog. Blogging is nice because you are taking the time to write down your life on your terms. We all need that part of ourselves to cherish.

We have an interview tonight with a 19 year old nursing college student. The other person we chose to interview is going on a five day trip to Switzerland. Good for her! Hopefully the interview pans out.

I have to admit that I went and did something very last minute. One of my blogging friends needed a home for a fifteen year old exchange student from China through an exchange hosting program. So, what do I do? Guess! Now, I'm scrambling finding furniture and a bed for this guy. His American name is going to be Roger. He likes swimming, basketball, and doing things for nonprofit organizations. I love him already! That's part of why I am early as I need to make room in my teenage son's room for another one. I really think this experience is going to be good for everyone. Our world is so vast and interesting. While I am doing this, I am going to have to drive my two boys to football.

Have a wonderful day and enjoy the last bit of nonschool days.

Busy Days Ahead

2008-08-10T12:04:00.000-07:00

I have a meeting tonight to get my son's football equipment for freshman football. Tomorrow I have to sign up my fifth grade son for his first year of football. And to top it off, the air is crisp like a fall day. A reminder that I will be back to work, running errands, and rushing. There is lots to do.

The need to organize starts about this time. Time to put up the huge family calendar, buy book bags, and clothing. I am interested in doing mass cooking or freezer cooking.With the hectic schedules and my hour long commute to and from work, I want healthy meals that I only have to zap quickly in the microwave.So, on Saturdays I could cook for the whole week and freeze. With homework etc, I don't want to spend the time cooking rather enjoying the time with my kids.

I've also heard about speed cleaning. Another thing I want to do is have a set schedule for cleaning so we are not doing our Sunday work day. Maybe, Monday laundry,
Tuesday vaccuming, Wednesday bathrooms, thursdays mop and sweep etc. My son's have chores but nothing set in stone.

So, that is what I am going to do this week. And have my teenage son help me paint his room. If you have any suggestions on how to help ease the school year or good recipes let me know.

I am also in the look out for a babysitter. Believe it or not, we have to pay over a $150.00 for my 9 and 10 year old son to get an hour and half in the morning and a half an hour after school. It's going up from what I heard. With my youngest son's special needs, I don't feel confident in them being alone. And my oldest son can't because he starts school an hour early. I've gotten two calls only. I put a note up at the high school, catholic church, local grocery store, and library. Wish me luck on leads. What would you suggest as an hourly rate for a babysitter?

Pics

2008-08-08T19:42:00.000-07:00

Alright, here I am:
chipmunk cheeks from steriods (I have Crohn's-always forget if it's spelled with C or K, oh well)
four eyes
short
and about 20 pounds extra storage

OH Well

I guess it was time I unveiled who I really am. The girl in the pic is my bestfriend Cathy since high school. We had lot's of fun at our reunion and spent time dancing to the 80's and chatting about good old times.

Time flies when you are having fun.

Thought the squirrel was cute as he is peeking out, sort of like me coming out and showing who I am. (smile)

How many ways do I love thee

2008-08-08T06:49:00.001-07:00

There are those times when you sit back and reflect on the many blessings in your life. One of my biggest blessings has been my husband Brian. There are so many reasons why I love him. He has a quietness about him that makes me feel content and secure. He entertains my notions and helps me think things through. He is ANAL, ORGANIZED, but understands that I am me, which to my chagrin, is the total opposite. I'm a dreamer, passionate, who often has their head in the clouds. But, I have given him the gift of spontaneity.

Like any couple, we desire for different habits. He hates the way I do laundry and it drives him nuts as I long to mess up his slick backed thick hair. Despite our quirks, I know that he is not like the footsteps in the sand brushed up by the ocean waters. He is there and that in itself, is my biggest thank you.

Tales of an orange hued woman

2008-08-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

I never learn-never. In high school, I tried that sunless tanning lotion and looked like an oompaloopa. So, I decided to forego the cancerous cells and get a professional sunless spray at a huge tanning chain for my reunion. 3/4th of me looks dark with the rest sort of oompaloopish. Sure, my high school students looked good but after all, it's me, so there you go. Just in time for my reunion. SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE.

My bestfriend Cathy went with me shopping. Holy gravity, those three-way mirrors do something that just isn't fair. My mirrors at home are lying to me big time. I opted for a simple black dress. Sort of classy, not exactly the siren I was heading for, but doable. I can say that I have earned every one of those cottage cheese looking curves.

Afterwards, after looking at my pathetic excuse for a bra, my friend talked me into visting Victoria Secrets. I had my b's measured and I am happy to say that gravity along with three kids and some extra pasta has raised my A score to a B. Isn't it funny that a lower score can make my day! But, I also found out that one of my b's has a very distinctive smaller size than my other. Geez, can someone give this 2 year from forty chick a break. Forty dollars for a bra and my friend still was trying to get me to buy a body suit to hold in that guttage. She praised it's efforts but I didn't hear anything about COMFORT. Least I don't have to wear a corset or petticoats like in the dark ages. So, here I am broke, orange, and uncomfortable.

Isn't it fun to be me!

Pic's of my son's and nieces

2008-07-27T17:48:00.000-07:00

Mommy Dearest

2008-07-27T17:35:00.000-07:00

It was a nice two days seeing my baby sister with her pregnant belly. So cute! We are hoping for a redhead baby since my sister's hubby has red hair. The lady you see in the picture is my wonderful mom. She is 64, works full-time as a nurse, and loves to garden. I just hope that I am like her in my sixties. She is a dear and my mommy, not a reference to the movie.

Today I went to a funeral for my sister's kid's grandma. I was able to pick up my sister's son who has autism. He is on the high side of autistic but he still knows who I am. It was nice to take him to McDonald's and spend a little time so his dad could deal with the funeral. They live so far away so I treasure seeing my two nephews. Lot's of hugs and kisses. I can always make him laugh. At the age of 15, he can now have simple conversations. It has been a long road for him. I don't think he quite got the idea that his grandma was dead. He seemed very confused.

For the next four days, I will be vacationing in Michigan. I spent all day painting my porch. There is something about having to do work before vacation. Guilt who knows? I hope you have wonderful days, filled with love and happiness, and laughter. Life cannot be all work.

P.S. Here is my mom's little pond and garden. Just love it.
Dreamer Girl

Meany neighbors and hot car scare

2008-07-25T10:55:00.000-07:00

Well the joys of summer......
Yesterday we had a scare with my special needs son. We were talking about going to Walmart while making dinner. Normally, Jack plays in his room. After cooking, we called Jack down and he was not in his room. AFter a mad scramble, he was in the hot car in our garage for I am guessing 35 minutes. He thought that we were going to Walmart just because we were talking about it. His face was sweaty with droplets and he was falling asleep. First of all, I felt like the most horrible mom in the whole world. We had a long discussion about the dangers of hot cars and waiting till it is time to leave. Reminders like this bring home the reality that Jack needs help with many things. Plus, for US to keep our eyes open. I couldn't stop hugging him. The expression need eyes in the back of your head applies to my life.

We live in what I like to call suburia.....nice big houses, 2.5 garage, dog, average two kids...a nice neighborhood. And when you have different children you really STICK OUT. Our neighbor across the street has the most popular kids, a boy and a girl. So, they have about ten kids over including our neighbors from both sides. So, my son goes over there and they tell him that there is too many kids over their house. This has been said before with the "we can only have two kids over", but they have three etc. But, what really bothers me is that if my son goes to the neighbors house with kids who do come to our house, those two kids will say it at the other peoople's house. And the reality is when other kids see these two kids do this then they follow suit. I understand kids but these two kids are the same kids who came over to play with our trampoline until they got one recently. It is the nature of kids to be that way but it does not stop me from feeling bad for my kids. What would you do in that situation? Another reality is that I have to live by their parents for a long time?

Well life is like a curvy road with many bumps. A bump today a smile tomorrow.

Dreamer Girl

Summer pics

2008-07-22T07:43:00.000-07:00

The first photo is my son at scout camp getting ready to pound a vehicle.
The second photo is my son's with my nieces.
The third photo is some special needs adults dancing at a free concert-they were having a blast dancing to the "YMCA".

Summer Update

2008-07-22T07:09:00.000-07:00

The clock is ticking, the corn stalks are over my head, and I know that work will be here soon. So, I have been hugging my kids and running them all over because the rat race will be back again. Currently, little Jack is in horseback riding camp, Garrett is playing with his hermit crabs we bought in Tawas, and Dayton just finished doing a play from acting camp. He was the only boy and wasn't thrilled with that. But, he ended up enjoying the experience.

On my news front, I actually got something published in a my view section of the paper. No green attached but that's okay at least I am working on it. What inspired me was seeing these mentally challenged adults at a free concert. The joy on their faces and seeing them dance to the music really got to me. So, I'll let you read what was published. Here is what I wrote:

As a child, there were things about my aunt that stood out. Things that I did not consider positive or easy to understand. It was hard for me to understand how I was much more experienced and intelligent than a fully grown woman. From her strange disposition to blow dryers and hundreds of god blesses you she was unique at best and could not drive a car and lived in a group home. I don’t remember being so sympathetic.
With adulthood comes wisdom and compassion and here I am today having a special needs child of my own. And I have learned much about the wildflower amongst the well-manicured green lawn. I have learned that having a special needs child changed my version of the Harvard kid and all that entails. Instead of a spiraling staircase we take tiny steps one at a time. Steps that took much effort but were well worth it in the end. The hope and desire never change just the direction you travel.
I have learned to treasure each and every moment like it’s my last ice cream. I have woken to ocean blue eyes, a tender smile, and joy of life so profound that it brings a symphony of smiles and joyful tears. It has made me less judgmental and a better person.
I cannot say that having a special needs child does not single you out. There have been the times that I’ve seen other children laugh or ask my child to do something that he doesn’t understand to provide them with a good laugh. And the rejection that brings many tears when playmates are few and not plenty. I cannot count the number of times I heard the “apple does not fall too far from the tree” from people who seriously haven’t gotten a clue.
But, the world is becoming a nicer place for people with special needs. Along with this change has come nicer terminology with words like retarded, slow, and stupid being replaced with labels like cognitively impaired and autistic. Programs like PALS and K.N.O. T.S are integrating the special needs population with the general population and bridging a new world of understanding, compassion, friendship, and in the process improving the social skills that are so badly needed. Students with special needs are being challenged socially and academically more than ever before. It is a much friendlier world for my child to live in.
Yet, in education we may take a step backward. With the new emphasis on test scores, higher curriculum, and different diplomas, what will happen to these very students that are finally getting the education they deserve? The fact is most jobs even some minimum wage positions require a high school diploma. We must “individualize” for our whole student population. Challenging but well worth it to raise a whole generation of people with the ability to take care of themselves. No amount of Algebra II and Chemistry is going to deliver that goal to all students that have special needs.
In a world full of so many obstacles and differences, I am reminded of how easy it is to plant the seeds of understanding to our future generations. All it takes is one part love, one part compassion, lots of understanding, and an occasional smile. In my opinion, many “seeds” fail to grow due to misunderstandings, judgmental comments, and not walking in another‘s shoes. As I watch my child dance through life with this amazing zest for life, I don’t mind hearing the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. I can only hope.

Message of the day

2008-07-16T18:03:00.000-07:00

I am going to be an aunt.
I am going to be an aunt.
I am going to have a nephew.
I am going to have a nephew.
The ultrasound revealed outdoor plumbing.
Cool!

No shade of gray today

2008-07-16T17:34:00.000-07:00

Craz Z Day! We went to the beach for my two boys to play while I snoozed in a book or two. It ended up being a tad bit stressful. My middle son started hanging around this boy looking for fish. After an empty bucket left no results, they started playing with the boy's water guns. The boy made a comment to a black woman and her two children as they passed them. By the expression on her face, I could tell she was very upset and was able to catch the words "that is not nice". Immediately, my son and I had a discussion. To my son's surprise, the boy said to my son (loudly): " I am going to shoot those brown boys." It didn't hit me until after this that when my son and the boy were looking for some fish previously, a black boy came up and the boy pointed and told the boy to move loudly. I mistook the situation for an eager boy trying to get a fish and didn't want his bucket to tip. There was more to it than I had thought!

My son (you have to love him-serious and all) talked to the boy about Martin Luther King and he even apologized to the black boys and their mom. I guess when my son talked to the boy, he responded that his parents don't like them either. DUH, somebody taught you to hate at that young of an age.

To make matters worse, that black woman had an even worse day. Two teenage boys that were with her, started climbing each other's shoulders and jumping off. They were reprimanded loudly by the lifeguard. Afterwards, the lifeguard made a point to stay right in front of the family with her eyes glaring. On my way out, I heard the lady say loudly, "I guess we are the only ones here to watch". Racism prevails. People like to say it doesn't, but it does. I bet you that lady won't go there again.

Girls are deep

2008-07-13T16:57:00.001-07:00

This weekend I had the pleasure of seeing my two nieces. As youngsters, the conversation between us was much easier at about a level one. Now fresh in their teenage years, relating is at about a level four. They can do much more with less supervision and have interesting ideas, advanced thinking, and insights about heavier topics. Yet, my eldest niece has the familiar slunk of a smile and normal dissipating enthusiasm unless the conversation steered to topics about "hot looking boys" and music stars. She was not so easily entertained. The smiles came but when I least expected them. They kept me guessing.

As the mother of three boys, girls fascinate me but at the same time are an alien life form. They like to talk and most of all, to my utter joy like to read. My boys have not happily endured the summer reading program that I have made them frequent since tots. My nieces are actually interested in what I have to say and boy, do I like to talk about books and chic movies!

Differences were duly noted, like girls, or at least my niece, hate to make decisions even about what kind of food they want and in no shape or form would they ask for something straight out rather hint at it instead. And they always seem to need the company of others to do simple jobs. You would think I forgot what it was like to be a girl. I guess the blanket of Testosterone has wired my brain differently.

I also learned that I hope the requirement of a hot guy for my nieces grows into more important characteristics like a good heart, sound mind, and caring person. I also hope that they learn to speak up especially when it's really important.
I had to remind myself that I'm meeting my nieces at a whole new restaurant and the menu is in a foreign language that I haven't learned. Yet, with any good restaurant sampling a menu can bring a whole new taste to the palate and hopefully, in this case a popular hangout.

A baby girl for Nicole

2008-07-07T14:09:00.000-07:00

Okay, please don't laugh...
I admit it, I like Nicole Kidman
and Keith Urban. I've been to Keith's concerts and he
has had his demons but doesn't hide from them.
I have a deep respect for that.
And, Nicole had that Tom thing and I'm sure it was not easy
to go through a public divorce.
She had a baby girl this morning
what a cute baby that is going to be
with Nicole's porcelain doll looks
and Keith's amazing smile.
Congrats.

really, I am just an ant

2008-07-07T05:39:00.000-07:00

Going to Six Flags and to downtown Chicago was enlightening to say the least. When I travel to bigger areas I am amazed at all the diversity that I see. During my trip, I saw so many colors of skin, dress, and heard many languages. At my hotel, I saw full African dress and heard chanting during a religious ceremony. The headdress on the women were sensational. They had rented a conference room for their Sunday service which was at the hotel I was staying at. It was cool.

Because we were near a military base, I saw a woman saying good bye to her son and his new wife from France. It was cute to hear the wife speak in a French accent. Her baby was absolutely beautiful with a pool of dark curls and snowy white skin. They asked me to take a family picture which I did. The son's mom held it together as she hugged her son goodbye. We are a global network family.

The fast pace of the city is such a world apart from my style of living. Sky high buildings, crazy traffic, and concrete yards. It is a pace that is fun to visit occasionally. My pace is lots of trees and yards of green and lots of quiet.

The science museum in Chicago is fascinating. I learned about the U50 a submarine from the German army that we had captured during World War II. What amazed me about the U50 bomber was that after it shot a torpedo it would get a hole in it and sink. So, the people on board rarely survived. How they occupied a space on board when knowing this fact is hard to imagine. It was an automatic death sentence. Hearing these soldier's stories brought much to home-these young people who fought for our country and gave up their lives. Young people today will be visiting a different museum, one of sand and hot desert. What lesson will they draw from this story? So long ago this war occurred but their faces remain young and their coffins many just like the war we have going now. War is devastating and leaves such a mark. It really makes you think having a picture and voice to learn by.We were able to go aboard the U50, very interesting.

Well, have to go. To peace, diversity,and the ability to pick my own backyard.

Six Flags Here We Come

2008-07-03T11:22:00.000-07:00

There was a time I could climb a tree with out looking down,
tumbled on a balance beam, and did a cartwheel with out any hands.
Now, I stand on a ladder and get nervous.

So, why am I going to an amusement park? Not that the word amuse applies to my old lady self. I guess I thought it would be fun to take my boys to a park that has characters of superheroes, villians, and a huge waterpark. We even get to have southern comfort food like fried chicken, lemonade, and all the fix ins for a special 4th of July barbecue. I am also looking forward to seeing some fireworks from a different position. We always go to the same place each year.
I especially love the fourth of July as I am reminded each day how lucky we are to have the freedoms of having leftovers, big size portions, shelter, freedom of speech and religion, and a choice in everything we do. Amazing! When in doubt, just picture the children in Africa, parentless, in a hut wondering when their next meal is. That is their reality-having no choice or voice.

To freedoms and hope that more choices will be found in other areas of the world.

Have a happy 4th of July.

Very happy indeed

2008-06-29T17:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I just got done talking to the student I nominated for a leadership conference for students with disabilities. She was gone five days which is the longest she has ever been gone from home. She stayed at a college dorm and even visited our state's capital where my brother went to college. My former student sounded relaxed and excited about her experience. It made my day to know that she didn't chicken out. She was one of those students who completed every one of her assignments and had excellent attendance despite her issues with reading which is her biggest deficit. Her spirit and hard work more than made up for it. I hope that she will continue on with her education. This is one girl who can do Algebra and Geometry with a calculator perfectly. Students with disabilities still have the word ability in their label!!!!
We have just celebrated my eldest son's birthday. Believe it or not, all three boys birthdays are three consecutive weeks in a row. Two of them actually were born on the same day of the week at the same time 9:56. I laughingly tell people that I'm glad that my youngest son was born in July. After all, I wouldn't want three sixes 666 for three June birthdays. Not a good thing. So, I will take 6, 6, 7. I guess I am superstitious.
My church had a picnic today at the park. They played music and had a wide variety of food to eat. Yummy! We didn't get any rain which is surprising as we have had many storms. One city close by had lots of damage due to winds and lightening. Interesting summer but very happy indeed.

Morning language

2008-06-25T06:21:00.001-07:00

I've been walking each morning before my husband goes to work. It is so beautiful with the blanket of green, birds chirping, and slowly rising sun. Nature makes great company. I've lost a few pounds but feel great.
It has been a a busy week with my middle son at cub scout camp and the boys attending bible school in the evenings. The bible school program they are attending is really great. Imagine seeing 150 children spinning and dancing to christ. What a sight to behold. My boys really enjoy dancing, especially me who was in dance and pom pons throughout my school years.
I've been listening to the WOW christian CD 2008. There is a song called "Still Calls Me Son" that really comforts me. Basically, the song is about a person who feels they have fallen under grace and asks will you still run to me and kiss my hands. And of course God does. There is something about that song that makes me feel so accepted and deserving despite all of my garbage. What a wonderful sentiment that I the unlovable at times can be loved.
Enjoy the beautiful day and remember that you are loved.

I like

2008-06-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

I like the cover
over my head
yet still look for colors
that illuminate the sky.

I like the passion
of full intentment
yet not always seek my vision.

I like the illusion
of things running perfectly
yet understand solace oh too well.

I like the calmness
of things that run perfectly
yet hear the warning bell.

I like the love
of warm hands and snuggled toes
yet am cold to the touch.

I like the dusty picture frame
of smiling faces
yet pray for my own.

I like the complexities
of life in general
yet guard my own entanglements.

I like the road
less traveled
yet am a happy tourist

I like that I have
a me to experience
yet still seek cover.

Ummmmm....pink

2008-06-10T11:30:00.000-07:00

My middle son and I are both "middles". We really do think a lot alike although he looks just like my husband. So,today I took him to get a pedicure. It was so fun to watch him get a fit of giggles as he is so ticklish. The one thing I love about him is that he can put up with my "girl" fits. Cool! That and he opens doors for the ladies and brings mom flowers. Got to love that!!!! (My pink toe nails are so cute).
Well, needless to say my husband has been a grump this week. Whenever his boss comes in town he gets so out of it. He always worries about doing a good job as his work ethic is very outstanding. G-R-U-M-P-Y. On a report card score rating, he's about an A- so I can live with it this week.
Please say a prayer for two people this week.....my sister's children's grandma is in a coma and suffered a massive heart attack....... a coworker at work found out she is pregnant and is having some issues.
It has been very busy this week with getting my son ready for Navy Sea Cadets and it being the last week of school for my children. He also signed up for football again and I am happy. Sports are good for kids.

Well thinking pink and enjoying another minute before running,
see ya dreamer girl.

Summeriffic

2008-06-07T04:51:00.000-07:00

>
Yesterday was my last day
one word YEAH
I am so excited to be with my children
and slow down.
Lot's of prospects coming up.
First, my twenty-year reunion.
My best friend and I are planning our battle strategy.
Pick an eye catching outfit (or in my case an eye sore)
Get our nails, makeup, and hair styled.
Sounds like prom again but it will be sooooooo fun.
My class has a reunion website up and it is amazing to see how some people look the same, dark hair turned gray,geeks turned sexy (good for them), or the who in heck were you people, and just plain seeing where people are at in their lives.
I cannot believe that I probably have the oldest children by the looks of things. It was also nice to see how some of my classmates (the popular ones seriously) still remain connected over the years. In fact, they had a girls night out in the Virgin Islands. Excuse me, in my territory Disney World hasn't even been accomplished. Well, I am going to go looking nice but mostly just to say hi, how's your neck of the woods? Amazing, 20 years where did it go?
Yesterday, when I said goodbye to my class I told them how amazing of a year we had and that I would miss them. Each year I have a class that is way different from the class before. But, this group did amazing things together like performing a christmas play for the veterans, cleaning up the rail trail, did senior homes clean up on Earth Day, and had a lovely red carpet premiere. It was one of those classes that you cried out of frustration, reminded a 100 times to get along and use a quieter tone when talking, and a class where the students were not afraid to act, cry, dance, scream in frustration, speak their mind, or just act silly. A hard act to follow for next year. Funny thing, is I think I might have learned more from them than them from me. Go figure, but impacting lives is not just for the students as I am finding out each year. I'm hoping to run into them some day with my spectacles and cottony white hair and hear about their lives that are full of good things. That is my biggest hope.
I know that I went on and on but life is plain happy. I'm hear drinking my too many cups of coffee with the sun shining on my back. I love, am loved, and have the chance to do beautiful things. Wow!

June 6 is almost here

2008-06-01T09:29:00.001-07:00

One more week and I will have freedom for the summer. I am so thrilled at all the wonderful things I have included in my to do list. Today at church my pastor talked about the world's philosphy of an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. He stressed the importance of loving the unlovable and not turning our cheek. The message included the reality of how hard it is to do that task. It included that we have and will have t-r-o-u-b-l-e-s in our life. How hard that message is to do. Hopefully, I will keep that message to heart.

Boot Camp

2008-06-01T06:57:00.001-07:00

In June, my eldest son will be going to boot camp for the navy sea cadets program. Currently as I type, he is practicing the sailor's creed because if he doesn't know it he will be doing a lot of pushups. He is going for nine days. I am hoping to see a glimmer of maturity from this experience. The one thing I have is a deep respect for the military for enforcing respect, integrity, and honor in ones ability. I like that. My sister Johonna has two stepchildren who live in Israel who had to go through the military which is a requirement there. Honestly, I think most of us could do well with going through boot camp. On the other hand, I am saddened when I think of all the young men and women coming home in caskets. The world of hatred is one that is so hard to understand.
Lately, I have realized that I need to encourage for maturity and responsibility to my children who have never wanted for anything. Sometimes I look at them and realize that they are missing the old farmer's work ethic. Sometimes you have to look outside yourself and realize that life is not a one time skill like learning to ride a bike rather an never ending circle.
Yet, here I am giving a chance to do something right the ability that God gave me. Hopefully, I'm up to the challenge.

Thoughts of Summer

2008-05-29T03:54:00.000-07:00

4:00 AM

My son wakes up and throws up. Haven't experienced one of these days in a long time. Hurriedly, I rush to get a sub for my class. Unfortunately, it was one of those planned days that we were going to work on a new career program on the computer. Oops, have to scratch that as the sub will not know how to do the program. WHEW! Oh, the good ole days when my three boys were little and days like this were too common. I was going to take him to the urgent care but decided not to because they just don't take the time like his family doctor would. So, I am letting him sleep while I type away until I can get him in to see his doctor.

June 6th is my last day of work. Yeah! I cannot wait. My vacation plans are to rent a house on a lake for a week. Hopefully, in Traverse City. Last year, we went to the KOA in Outer Banks, North Carolina. My family just loves being lazy on the beach or ocean. So, many wonderful summer dreams to experience.
Hope your life is full of relaxing moments to cherish.

Dreamer Girl

David or David

2008-05-21T14:25:00.000-07:00

Last night it was fun.
My boys and I had an American Idol super party.
We had nachos and cheese which is cut up Velveeta cheese and a jar of salsa. I put it in a crock pot and cooked it on high for an hour. We had carrots and celery and ranch veggie dip and a cookie. The one thing I learned with my boys is that the best way to their hearts is through their stomach. SO easy except that I definently should have taken home ec. Can't even begin to say how many half burnt half soggy desserts that I tried to bake.
It has been fun to have a family show that we watch together. This is our first year trying this as the competition between the two David's has been fun to watch. The only issue is picking the best. David A. has excellent vocals and is a hard working performer. At his age of seventeen, that is a good strength. David C. has a lot of originality and appeal. I like that he changes his styles frequently and it keeps you guessing. After listening to fans on the radio and at work, it makes me think how nasty we can be about each other.
The comments about both singers can be pretty nasty. I like to think of it at this: we all stink at times. I have this arrogant coworker who after talking about Learning Disabled students brought up my name and laughed hinting that I fall under that category. There are just some things that are not funny. Learn some tact!!!!

Oh, well. I think way too much but people are so darn complicated and fun to analyze.

See ya later.

On the exercise front, I'm in last place. The last month of school is so hectic and it seems like every day we have something going on. I really need to get focused.

Holy F Bombs!!!!

2008-05-19T13:37:00.000-07:00

I'm in my class closing at the end of the day when I hear
you f'n b I'm f'n sick of you etc. It wasn't pretty and it was very loud.
Immediately I run out there to assist as it always is pretty hectic the end of the school year.
When I exit my room, I see a little tiny thing a junior high kid with these cute doe eyes. A tiny thing but can pack quite a punch. Instead of oops I was caught, she really tore into me in front of a lot of other students. So, I immediately separate her into another room. First of all, she gives me the excuse about a girl writing skank on her locker. She laid it into me BIG TIME.I let her know I am not arguing with a kid. Waste of time. Basically, my talk was about in real life people are going to make you mad. You are going to have bosses and you might want to tell them off. But, the thing is you have rent due and maybe a mouth or two to feed. Do you swear and lose your paycheck? No. Hopefully, you deal with it. I proceeded to explain how you don't talk to adults that way and that she had better catch on pretty quick before high school. Wow, kids these days. They just don't understand the respect part and proper etiquette. This is the same girl who was yelling rape by the Superintendent's office. Hopefully, I made a dent in the huge pile of respect this girl needs to work on.
Another event that happened today was two girls got into a big cat fight. Something about the warmer weather brings out the worst in students. I've been to a lot of schools and it's always the same. Girls can really be vicious.
Hope everything is going well in your life. Rock and rolling till the end of the school year.

Summer hurry up!

Bittersweet

2008-05-10T19:57:00.000-07:00

Such a bittersweet day! Today I had tears in my eyes as I waited in line to get my Master's degree. Just five years before I had walked down the same walkway. The word newbie crossed my mind as I watched the young ins grab their diploma. Amazing how time flies! The amazing part was seeing my family. My sister and her family came from Indiana and my other sister from Holland, Michigan. My first cousin, Aunt, and Uncle were amongst the guests. Even my divorced parents stayed on their opposite ends of the spectrum. Seeing my niece and nephews grown up is what is really bittersweet. They don't really know me well because of the plain distance that surrounds my whole family. It is so wonderful to have a house full of family and to see me. I admit it I am flattered and so thankful. Sometimes I just want to cry with appreciation because my life is so filled with many blessings. I have a job that I can impact lives and make a difference. I have a wonderful home and a beautiful yellow lab. A husband who loves me and three beautiful boys. Getting my master's is just a whole another part to add to the mix. All I can say is thank you lord for giving me this wonderful life and please make sure that I do good things with what you have given me. To happiness, future family visits, and another happy day.

Patrick Dempsey is a nice guy.

2008-05-02T14:49:00.000-07:00

I was at the pharmacy picking up some prescriptions.
I noticed a health magazine with Patrick Dempsey on the cover.
Entered the check out and spotted Patrick Dempsey with the caption
"Sexiest Man".
Nice guys can win, obviously.

Patrick Dempsey was in my time period (getting more ancient by the minute) and was typecast in movies as the nice guy nerd who couldn't get a girl like in the movie "Can't buy me Love" He is also a loving father to his kids and married to the same woman for many years. What a revelation to hear that Mr. Nerd is now considered Mr. Mcdreamy.

I tell you that I love my nerdy guy and in my opinion nerdy guys are stable, secure, hardworking, and like Patrick Dempsey, very sexy.

Wow, what a relief.

2008-04-30T14:30:00.001-07:00

I am shouting it from my mountaintop of a computer, my baby sister is pregnant and it is not a tubal pregnancy. She is two months along and is due in early December. Today she had her high tech ultrasound because she was spotting but everything is in place. Thank God for another wonderful blessing.
On the news front, my class made the small town paper for the activities we did on Earth Day. I had to laugh as one of my students peered very intently over the paper as she was reading the article. If only I could get her to read like that more often! The reality is students in special ed do not see these rewards too often. It made my day to see the enthusiasm on all of my student's faces. Very cool!
As I look at my blessings with such appreciation, I have to think of one of my co-workers who was hired just under me and is finishing his first year of teaching. He will probably have to look for a new job because a worker on disability came back. One other friend of mine got pink slipped from her teaching job in another district. This seems to be an all too common issue presently in the state I live in. In fact, one of my students is concerned because her dad is supposed to be getting laid off from the factory he works in.
Another brutal reminder is the price of gas that is taking even more chunks out of our pocketbooks. I'll say it again, we rely too heavily on oil and this is our biggest downfall in the United States. We need to be creating cars that are economically sound and better for our environment. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.
Today I read two comments on my blog. One from a woman who reminds me to appreciate what I have while I have it. The other woman reminded me that living life fully is not just eating right but living right.

To living fully and appreciating the beauty we have now.

May blessing come your way.

Graduating Soon

2008-04-27T13:09:00.000-07:00

Hello,
On May 10th, I will be graduating from college with my Master's and am so excited. I'm going to have a small barbecue with a few friends and some family. If you have any good recipes for side dishes let me know. I cannot wait! It has been a long haul, especially my thesis paper which was much more difficult than I had imagined.
It was a great weekend. In the small city where I live, we had our festival this weekend. My son and I participated in the parade with our church. The pastor's father had made a train made out of barrels, very cute! My other son participated in a school float about a new school program called Friends. Friends is a class in which some students work with students that have autism and other disabilities. There are a lot of pro's as the general students learn how to be a role model and mentor with an extra dose of compassion and patience, while the autistic students have an opportunity to learn social skills. It was a great time. The rest of the weekend involved a huge community rummage sale, beer tent, rides, etc.
My tulips are just starting to open and my grass is a gorgeous green. I had to laugh at my husband as he excitedly picked out a self-propelled lawn mower after our ten year lawn mower went kaput. He was a proud father to the lush green grass that he had nurtured. I asked him why he was so excited in which he replied "it's a guy thing". I can understand being excited about a green lawn but cutting grass, no way!
This week I also watched my youngest son sing in the jazz choir at his school. They weren't sure at first that he could be a part of the program. I told him that because he is just starting to read that I would teach him the words. He was so good and his big smile made all the work so worth it. I will have to show you a picture of him when I get the pics back from my mom.
School season is in it's big rush. My students have been working on our red carpet movie premiere. We make a movie about all of our community work and projects and invite people to watch. Last year, I tried it for the first time as a small group. This year I decided to use the auditorium. We cut out red paper for people to walk on as they enter our premiere. I am going to buy stars to decorate the walls. I can't wait. I love to do projects which are a big part of my curriculum. Hopefully, it is well worth it.
Well, that is my life on the home front right now. Hopefully you are having a beautiful weekend and enjoying the wonderful world around you.

Dance even when no one is watching

2008-04-20T16:00:00.000-07:00

I heard once the expression "Dance even when you know no one is watching" (something like that). Well, today my pastor who is a great guy talked about this in his sermon about "our" intentions in our actions. The gist of the discussion was about how we often like to toot our own horns. It made me think about my intentions and how at times my intentions can reflect my desire to have a "good" appearance or to be better than a rival instead of the honest to goodness intention of really helping someone. Sure, I do nice things but to be honest my intentions are not always honest.

His next statement was to try to do things for the right reasons. Afterwards, he finished with the statement but even if we don't, we always have a God that loves us. Exactly!!!Thank God, because my path is about the curviest road I've ever seen. Walking a straight line is just not in my future. It is comforting to know that God will still love me despite my shortcomings.

Sometimes I struggle with honest intentions with my mother-in-law. My husband was her only son and she really struggled to acccept me. It took years and many comments of "your kids love me best", "my cooking is better", "look at the dust in your corner" etc, etc, etc, etc (do you get the point?) Or when she went upstairs and organized my underwear drawer and living room? Sometimes I get caught in the drama when I try to fit in her standards. The hurt feelings that bottled up from all those years is still there at times.
The reality is I will never win first place as long as I am married to her son. Another reality is I still feel resentful and hurt from past incidents and I need to work on that. The fact that I let her comments get to me is my shortcoming. The serenity prayer is an excellent sentiment: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and courage to change the things I can. (something like that).

My new me project is to not get into the drama that my mother-in-law chooses to battle. It is my husband's mom and at times face it, we all stink. To keep my sanity, I plan on locking my bedroom door because I am going to refuse to have my privacy invaded. I don't have to explain that or bring it up. But, for the comments I might even choose to smile a big smile because I have who really counts watching my back!

Another sunny day

2008-04-20T05:40:00.000-07:00

It is so beautiful this morning. As I'm typing, I see the sunlight radiating on my computer screen. One of my daffodils decided to open up and the world of spring is clearly evident in the parts of green in my lawn. I just am so in love with spring. Yesterday, we checked out a 2000 trailer with the pop up sides that was for sale on the side of the road. I absolutely love camping along with the smell of a fire and the sand between my toes when I am laying on the beach. There is nothing like that. So, hopefully I will be able to persuade my husband to join my plan!
I am very thankful that I have summers off and excellent insurance. I will especially appreciate this after hearing that two of my three children need braces. This summer is going to be great! It will be nice to relax instead of constantly running. Time to get out the frosted glass of lemonade and a good book!
Please say a prayer for my sister Kristi who is pregnant. She has been spotting and will be having a high risk ultrasound. She is remarried and her husband is very excited about having his first child. I hope that everything will turn out well.

P.S. I decided to show you my husband's birthday cake it turned out cool.

Hectic Day

2008-04-17T14:50:00.000-07:00

well, I have my banquet meal pizza pasta in the oven and have a few "unheard" of minutes to myself. It has been an interesting week. So far, we have done a food drive for Cub Scouts, jazz choir, physical therapy, and brain gym. Brain gym is a neat concept that is worth investigating. Brain gym involves doing exercises to stimulate the brain and make connections to help learning take place. I am seeing some gains in my special needs son. If you have a child with special needs, you might want to check it out. It has a long shelf life to, at about twenty years.
Tomorrow is my husband's birthday. I decided to buy him a cake with the logo of the snack company he works for. Believe me, you would know the company as it is a real popular snack company. I have to respect his privacy as he is such a private person. I think that I am going to buy him a hammock because he just loves nature. I always have to forego clothing etc as he is very set in his ways about that.
Well, I am very excited about one of my favorite blogs waiting for sophie because the mom who writes the blog has been met with a surprise pregnancy after having miscarriages. It is awesome.
On the adoption part, I am trying to adopt a child. I guess I don't even want any minutes to relax lol. But, the agency I am working with has not contacted or called me back in four months. It seems to be another dead end.
Well, I hope life is treating you well. As hectic as it gets, it still is such a wonderful thing.
To busy days and not much sleep but being a taxi cab driver helps our kids be confident